Who is under all that hair?

Yesterday they shaved all of my hair off except for my face and my feet and tail. I have big dreadlocks on my nose but now I can see better. They figured out that I am a boy because they saw my big wanger and huevos. When they shaved me, they realized that I had endured severe trauma to my body causing something called subcutaneous emphysema. You might think this means my lungs are bad like a smoker, but what it really means is that I have air under my skin. I am all puffed up like a balloon, and they think they might have to "pop" me, meaning put a tube into my skin so that they can let the air out. I don't have any obvious cuts on my body, so they think the subQ emphysema was caused by someone hitting or kicking me really hard. They think that all my hair may have protected me from getting any broken bones, because it was like a big thick cushion over my skin.  When you touch my body, it feels like you are running your hand on top of bubble wrap as it is popping.  The nice lady doctor at the shelter is going to monitor me. Now that I am shaved, they put me into a smaller cage in a glass room where I can see the shelter workers.

This is me. You can see my dreadlocks on my face, and they smell as bad as they look, but I am used to it.